Gay Marriage and the Church....

The Church of England has warned that proposals to legalise gay marriage could undermine its status.

The Church of England said government proposals to allow same-sex marriages by 2015 would "alter the intrinsic nature of marriage as the union of a man and a woman, as enshrined in human institutions throughout history".

 Marriage has been here since the starting of complex civilizations. During "cave men" times people were always tied to each other, but not in the sence we see it today. With the start of complex civilizations there came ceremonies and different ways of marring each other. The Mesopotamians, Harapans, Eygpyions, Nubians, lalalaalas all had marriage honey. The christains for a long time had extremely simple marriages. For a long time a white dress was not the standard. Marriage was no way influence by just one religion and one culture. It's just something that naturally comes with complex civilizations, just like jobs, money, governments etc.

King David had many wives to increase his wealth join communities together and keep his name as did many other families encourage the joining of two or more people.

Jesus preached one man and one woman, and blessed it by performing His first miracle of turning plain water into vintage wine at a marriage reception in Galilee. 

But the church today ignores the most important reason we are alive:- 

It is NOT to "focus on the family"

It is not to attend marriage seminars

The purpose of our lives as children of God (if you wish to believe is a God) is to love Him and serve our fellow humans in kindness and compassion. The modern church has made marriage and family into an idol.

More Christan's get divorced each year and is increasing...... 

Christianity did not create marriage!!! so why do they feel the right to dictate who can form  a partnership full of love, kindness and compassion???

What our world lacks in an unmeasurable way is

Love

Kindness

Compassion

Does it really matter who forms a partnership?? Surely the best question would be do these people show Love? Kindness? Compassion?

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

I wonder?

i sit in my little world surrounded by what i think are pretty good friends... I watch their ups and downs, listen to their woes and fears and on odd occasions give good sound advice or at least make them smile with a thought way out of the box.. that's me... I am simple what you see is what you get.

I write this today as I am so saddened with events that have happened over the last few days.. decisions made by people whom as supposedly educated??  The loss of a persons (whom i did not know but believe in the cause she and many stand for) who battled the recent changes in the Great British Welfare system just as I have, she won just like me... but then she lost her life.. I wonder if the stress of the battle had caused this persons light to fade in this broken world...?? I expect so... then I wonder if the British people could or even would take these people to court for the added stress they cause their subjects to go through because some people have no brain or will to stand up and say yes! this person needs welfare help stuff my targets to get so many thousands of this benefit!! where are these people???

Another sad event Lennox the dog... even with lots of evidence to say this dog is not a banned or dangerous breed.. he still seems to lose his battles just because of the way he looks.... 

Why are these educated people making so many mistakes and not looking at the evidence to support peoples cases and dogs cases... What are they afraid of? Or have they just gone mad insane.. and take the easy way out!

I won my case with the people whom we put of trust in.. was not easy and there was plenty of stress, but I had faith in my Doctors and my team who helped me get the right decision in the end. 

These battles with DWP/Courts/Appeals etc must be costing you, me the tax payer thousands maybe millions of pounds wasted because an educated idiot thinks he knows better than consultants, GP's who you have seen for years.. a 15 min chat and he/she knows you knows what struggles you have to overcome to have a existence not a life of Riley. Could that money be spent more wisely?? saving the people of Britain?


Can we trust and put faith in the people this country voted in... or is it time for a change.  Lets face it all politicians lie to get their foot in the door.. they have great plans then realise they are living in cuckoo land and Great Britain is broken Britain.


I agree welfare does need a urgent reform... then why not start with why do people come to Britain to live.... because the welfare system is great easy access to money.. so why not state if you want welfare help you have to put into the system for min 5 years, pay your taxes for 5 whole years.  All claimants should use their finger prints each time they sign on or make a claim so we can reduce people claiming under false names.. 

Target people who have been unemployed the longest.. these are the hardest people to remove from the welfare system as they have adjusted and become settled into their routine (i don't mean all of these people, some I know are trying to make a difference but just hit brick walls).
Make working a better option.. 

The families whom don't need welfare, footballers, millionaires etc.. don't give them child benefit they don't really need it also cap it at 2 children per family, if people want more they have to be able to support themselves.


Give high earners bigger tax breaks to get them to stay in Britain, don't push them out.


Stop making deals where the large companies who evade paying taxes.. make them fairer to invite companies to start in Britain and therefore have natural growth which in turn makes Britain Great.


I feel these educated people are only looking at short term options and not really listening to their people.  remember we voted them in and we can dam well vote them out! (although not sure any other party will be any better once they see the books).  


I look at peoples facebook and twittter notes, i see lots of people in despair and nothing is changing for them, its just brick wall after brick wall. People need hope... a sign that things will be better.. we know it will take time we don't want a rush plaster put on a problem we want a solid plan that's fair and can be achieved.

Make Britain a Great Britain

I consider myself lucky... although I have mobility issues and a brain that's not firing on all cylinders at present.. I am alive with a great network of family and friends who support me unconditionally. I have 2.5 dogs who give me love and don't leave my side when i have bad days.  My partner is amazing, caring and motivating. 

Its a hard life living within our family... as you can see..


ok change of subject  - email to CEO of parkway Green has worked.. I have had many people visit to do or plan to do the work needed to bring the property up to date, ie, fencing new roof, lights etc.. and I was right.. not my responsibility to maintain a house i no longer own.. another battle won.


I am still off work.. bored senseless (although some people would argue with that statement).  Neuro appt. all booked now just taking each day as it comes.. and enjoying making friends laugh at my lack of brain power to do simple tasks or even keep a conversation going.. but I am good, slowly I feel like things are coming back but its slow, three steps forward then two steps back.


Well I have to stop there as my eye lids are having an overwhelming urge to shut for a long time... oh about 10 hours or so.. darn medication...


Be good and think about what your actions mean or could affect others.. be kind even in this tough world.. 


Nite nite all .. sleep well 


x

Well its mid May - Slept through April-??

Hi.... Its been a while, so what's new;

End of March and April its a bit of a blur... I have had Migraines and on 1st April I was admitted to South Manchester Hospital where I was  resident for 5 days while they tried to ease the pain in my head.  Since being home I have been bugged by frequent migraines which is causing me to be off work again!! I am not happy bunny I am losing approx £700 per month while being off... so you can see I would love to be in work earning.  - these migraines come approx every 3-5 days and leave me completely exhausted and brain dead for a few days.. let alone the side effects of all the drugs I take to ease the pain..  its quite depressing although I am not depressed just frustrated..

I spent most of April in a drug induced sleep - a mong as my partner described.. now its May and looks like it will be a similar month although I have stopped taking most of the pain meds I have an odd day each week where I am hit with a migraine although not as extreme as previously experienced, so something is working but not enough to clear my foggy monged brain.  

I have to say work have been ok so far.... Occupational Health have rang - not really much they can do unless they can give me a new brain! Work have filed in the PHI forms for Canada Life to get involved and see if they can help rehabilitate me back to work... again working brain required one that's migraine free.. but I am looking forward to seeing if anyone can come up with any suggestions which help.. i am missing being me... and i think Emma is too.

Still having problems with the council.. but have done a little bit of research and written to the CEO to see if he can look into the problems.  I also contacted the original authority who purchased the house and after there research Parkway should be doing repairs I should be on a normal tenancy agreement - so I will battle on and get legal advice if needed.

 Yesterday had a hospital appointment regarding my leg and pain.. had pelvic x rays and x rays on ankle which show perfect curves and no sign of any abnormalities which is great - he recommended more physio but currently we have hit a brick wall re physio its not progressing well.  The consultant did notice tension in my tendon but i dont have pain there.. really strange then he says has anyone considered fibromyalgia, at which point I said my GP has referred me to Salford Neuro team to look into migraines and ME/CFS. So seems consultants are heading all for similar diagnosis they just need to decide which one or one's so i can get correct meds and learn to deal with it to get back to work... thats my aim.. i enjoy working.

something different.... the weather has been kind today.. nice warmish...its nice feeling the sun.. but its so bright.............dogs are loving me being home even when i just sleep.. they try to be my duvet.. now a Japanese Akita x GSD & a GSD x Collie duvets aren't the best...their elbows dig in and they wriggle..and smell bad at times lol...

Emma and I have also past a five year hitch and I got her a wooden hanging piece saying 'All you need is love... love is all you need' perfect for us..  I am a great believer in honesty in a relationship.. and making sure you talk about everything even if its small like i hate the toothpaste lid being left off.. it winds me up for the day.. so everyone in the house knows.. talking about the little things helps avoid little things becoming big things that break relationships...

I also have to mention... Emma has been great while I have been shall we say under the weather.. so supportive even comes home at lunch if I am having a bad day... 

Renewed my yearly subscription to the tastecard... now if you don't have one of these your missing out on saving money.. you can get the subscription for around £29.95 it saves you 50% on most meals or 241 at thousands of restaurants... it pays for its self sometimes with the first meal... please check it out I am on my second year... I love it we use it when we go out.... which I am looking forward to doing when I have good days..

Well that's another blogg done... women chores need my attention as the animals need feeding meatballs and pasta!!!

T

March... where has the year gone...

Hi I am back now the sun has decided to venture out at times...

Been a tough few weeks.. seen bottom of a pit and decided to keep myself busy... working stupid hours to try and claw back some of the money i lost while i was sick end Jan/Feb still have this darn cold but its manageable.  Also decided to use my brain an build a PC or as my mum says assemble... lol its all up and running and here I am.... few switches and i am in the big wide world.

So whats new:

Having physio... which although hurts like hell and has made me sick physically after treatment.. i think its going well... had a really good session on Thursday.. and although leg its still very tender today (Sunday) i can see signs that my ankle can be skinny again... don't get me wrong.. the pain in like having chronic tooth aches in your calf, ankle and under your foot... pregablin and nurofen express 512mg... not really helping, but guessing pain would be worse it i did not chuck them down my throat.

Emma is playing football today so i decided to stay home after dropping her off.. driving was painful so not pushing it as in work tomorrow and really need to function and get sales...

its mothers day.... wished mum happy mothers days and ordered her a photo book.. all she has to do is add her photos... simple.. but she liked the one i did for her birthday so sticking with what works... plus mum is not the flower type.

News with house... nothing apart from rent increase.... so phoned them up now have to do online complaint... why cant anything these days be sorted with one phone call..????? waste of time and money.

On Cornwalls housing list..... that will be a very long wait... been on there since 2007... and not a sniff of a house... I am not in a rush to move as quite like my job well most times.. just hate living in a shit hole surrounded by criminals and real benefit scroungers... who could work but crime pays better than employers.. I can see that it does... these are the people the government should be putting a squeeze on... if you break the law you lose your entitlement to benefit.... blime that will lower crime rates quickly.

I am a bit torn with these companies that offer people a chance to work and the government support the scheme.. i can see it stops people getting real jobs but it does give employers and employees the chance to see if they are suitable for each other and gives people the chance to feel a bit of pride in going to work.. its a shame it gets abused by both parties. I can see the good and bad side of this and for some it would be good others not.. I think people need to have the desire to work.. and that's being lost as benefits and crime do pay.... i see it daily..

I do think and believe the system needs a good shake up but not sure the people we put into power have any idea what its like at the bottom of the food chain.. what its like to live day to day.. and on a low wage just enough to exclude you from any help from anyone.. but not quite enough for you to live on.. just to exist, you have no way to better yourself even it you have the drive as you are limited by your pocket and what is available to you.. i.e if i wanted to do a open uni course... there is no way i could fund it or find enough time to do it as I work 10-13 hours most days to exist . catch 22.  I am not alone thousands are in similar boats we want to do and be better.. but in reality its not going to happen.

Like today I woke up... i thought about going for a swim realized nope not going to happen as nearing end of month and money to tight.. I want to be able to go for a swim every morning.. but how would that effect my bank and my energy levels.. ??? I have decided i will do this for a month... I am going to see what is available and see what happens as I am fed up being chunky... and lets face it running is out of the question..and most exercise is..

Decided to set up wacky t shirt website too,... tamswackytshirts.co.uk just got a few designs on there nothing special at this moment coz i have being working long hours.. but its something i enjoy doing and its different to anything else i do..

I am finding it difficult to concentrate and keep on one topic at a time.. those who talk to me may notice this.. i know when i am at work some days its harder than others to  concentrate on what customers want.. not sure whats going on there.. some times feel a little bored..but i think that's due to customers calling in ask stupid questions.. and why on earth would you call to be taken off a marketing list.. do these people really call every company that drops a leaflet through their door.. wonder if domino's or the other companies have calls like this.. barmy people... why waste your time just bin it or better still recycle it.. don't waste your time... if you just want to chat to someone call your family and friends don't call me! lol its not as if i personally send you these leaflets...

Well the pork is cooking nicely... just need to start the rest of the dinner.. so i will dash off,.... and i will be back with more... bye thanks for reading my rants..

Month of battles!

Geez, where to start.... Today is a definite day that truly Sucks!

Firstly I have had an ongoing problem with my mobile phone company, which will now result in me having a new number.. Sorry peeps you will get notified in about 5 days or so.

Secondly some idiot tried to enter the garden at 3am 2 nights ago, so I ring the council report damage only to be told I have to do my own repairs as I have a different tenancy agreement due to selling my house back to them. So they don't do ANY repairs... What do I pay rent for I am asking myself?!?! This battle will continue.

My skin is not liking these pain relief patches I have rashes everywhere itchy patches.. Can't see doctor until 24 Jan as she is away on family business, I could see others but choose not to...

Still having on going battle with dwp re my dla .. No news there...

Totally feel like withdrawing from the world... Not sure if its the side effects of these patches or just everything in top of everything.. Very tearful and in pain still from trying to be more mobile 2 weeks ago.. That was not a good idea.

Then partner says I look like shit !!! Great, but I know what she meant tired and stressed.. Not felt this way in ages....

Thank god its nearly Friday?!! Fed up with this sucky week..

May post more later not sure May just go to bed once I finish work!

Hibernate

Are the people we voted for really making savings or wasting more of our money!!!

Woke up this morning in incredible pain... my hip and lower leg pain woke me from my sleep.  Realising my bladder was full to bursting point i had to get out of bed and hobble down stairs to the only toilet in the house.. I sat on the toilet in tears with the pain, both the dogs looking at me with sad faces..... this is the third day my pain has been unbearable... I feel a little depressed and uncertain about the future even more than usual.

I suffer with chronic pain in my right leg and I am currently on high pain medication which does not always ease my pain.  I have recently had my DLA withdrawn as they say I can walk 200metres with my crutches, although they miss the point I made at the assessment that I am unable to use my crutches due to my wrist dislocating and experiencing further pain in my wrists. I am not a small person as I have put on about 4-5 stone over the last 5-6 years since my mobility has been getting worse.... and in 2009 i had high rate DLA indefinitely as my muscles in my leg stopped working and my pain levels where high, I have seen speacialists at all  the local area and at the private Bupa hospital... I have spent over £1500 on private physio as the NHS teams just want to put me on a bike and a ball which aggrevates my leg and pain when all i need is someone to manipulate the muscle to keep it from going tight. anyway back to where I was... My car was due to be collected on friday but they did not call me before I had to go work, so I still have him until prob tuesday the chap reckoned when I called them late on friday... so I managed to get into work on Saturday...

In two years how can a person go from high rate mobility to zero, nothing, even though my situation has not changed, my condition has got worse, and on the letter they sent to advise me states although my walking is limited!! i still get nothing... where is the common sense?

I have managed to purchase a car, but the insurers don't recognise the DLA scheme and therefore I have lost all my no claims discount (9 years) plus the 2 years while I have been on DLA.... so I have to start again... so for a cheap £600 car my insurance is nearly £2K for me and my partner.... not only have I lost my DLA, I have lost the £250 payment you get back when you return a car in excellent condition on the scheme, I paid a deposit when I got the car... I will also get penalised by the insurance companies when I get a new insurance policy... I can't get to work without a car I can not walk 200 metres normally (or even with crutches as it is stated on the letter they sent). although would be nice to see someone walk normally with crutches...

I understand the benefits system needs a shake up - but I believe Cameron is not making the best decisions.  What is the cost of all the appeals? with 70% being over turned at appeal stage... Are we really saving money or it is just a paper exercise.. What about those on DLA who get the cars and let their family use it rather than the person who is disabled? What about those who when they get called into assessments come off their pain medication so they are worse on that day than what they would be on their pain medication? Then those who blag the whole benefit system not just the disability system - fraud in the disability benefits is 0.05% what is it in unemployment? TAX evasion ? Are the people we voted for really making savings or wasting more of our money!!!


Having the DLA meant I could keep working and paying tax.. I was not living life of luxury I earn £12,500 per year... a meal from Mark and Spencer's once in a while is as luxury as it gets.  If I don't get a car and run one I will have to give up work.... I am fighting to keep working, and my sanity....  I will have to ask friends to get me to work for the next few months as my insurance premiums are to high I cant afford to pay it yet not even the deposit, let alone £200+ a month.  The whole problem is depressing.. I used to pay £300 a year..
If i was not disabled I would walk to work, but there lies the problem - I CAN'T- its not that I don't want to. its I cant.. I can not walk and function as the pain is to much.. Even now my head is foggy, thinking is more difficult as my medication gets higher.. Memory is shocking.. my partner jokes about me suffering with alzheimer's previously it was funny but now it just causes more frustration as i notice things more, I go to the kitchen not knowing why i am there... I can't win.. if I don't take my medication I cant think or do anything as the pain just makes me cry and want to stay in bed not moving.. if I put the patch on it helps with the pain but I struggle to get up I feel dopey half a sleep.  I struggle to work and hit my targets, but I do it.. because I want to survive its my determination.. half asleep / half of me is better than being in chronic pain.

I owe lots to my partner and my friends... they have been great and I am sure they will support me all they way.  My GP has already said she will write a letter for me.. CAB although I cant get there help as I don't qualify for legal aid they have given some advice and now I am seeing someone from Manchester Adult Services as they may be able to help with my appeal. after that I guess I will have to get legal representation myself.

When I went to the assessment I brought all my medical files letters scan reports etc all the credible medical evidence - the Doctor did not even look at these (2 files worth) all the Bupa receipts where I have paid for my own care to keep me mobile, (now I have a friend who is a physio therapist and my partner has been taught how to manipulate the muscles daily),

I am frustrated, depressed and worried about existing.. I like my job its not much... but I get out of my house and meet people talk and interact with people... that's what keeps people sane.  The support the govenment gave me helped me to contine to work... this has been withdrawn... my appeal will take 8-9 months...

Today is a day i just want to curl up and sleep.. I am exhausted tired, worn out... I worry about lack of contact with people and the outside world if i cant get the car insured cheaper... My world will shrink.. I have had depression before and its really hard to get out of a rut... but so easy to get in one..  I have noticed i get mood swings on t day 5 to day 7 on my patch, I can only think its due to experiencing more pain on those days as the patch ware's off - I need to ask my GP..  I just don't like bugging her.  I have not got out much since I had the letter stating my DLA is being withdrawn, I feel completely let down by the system.. I will have to rely on others...

I have had a couple of falls in the bath and had my partner not been there, I wonder how long it would have taken me to get out the bath?? I am sure I would have been freezing and wet for a while.. which would then lead to a cold.. etc.. what if i had injured myself I could be waiting hours before I could get help  and the benefit decidors  dont realise some people dont need daily help in doing things, but as I do slip trip and fall often I chose not to have a bath or go out without being with someone that way i know i limit the amount of harm injury i will do to myself.. i dont fancy being cold half in a bath and half on the floor for hours while waiting for someone to help me or waiting for me to regain conscious should i bang my head ( which i feel is significant damage to myself).


I know its only pains in my leg, I am not dying..... but imagine living with constant tooth ache and everytime you move or even lay still your in pain...imagine walking up in pain going to sleep in pain... I am human I want to work I want to do normal things people take for granted!!!

Sorry for the rant - I am so frustrated.....

Our babes .....

No much room on our sofa for the humans!

Did you know??

Did you know Virgin Mobile started on 11 November 1999 - but what or how did Richard Branson publicize this??

Answer  tomorrow ....

Tuesday 3 January 2012

Well its been a quiet day.... not done much today pain levels have been a little to high to concentrate  - decided to do a bit of home cooking - Thai prawn soup, over cooked the prawns, I know how can you over cook prawns.... easy I forgot about them lol....

Drove Emma to Trafford Centre to exchange some trousers that  was my highlight of the day....

Good News Man City won 3 0 Liverpool.... so we have a happy house!!

Well not a lot to write today.... but back to work tomorrow....sell sell sell lol............ Hope to have some funny comments to put up or some of those silly questions like why cant I have services.....??? Maybe I should explain I work for the sales team within a cable company... so I would imagine the people who call just to understand and have the knowledge that we supply the service via a cable (hence cabled services), but you will be amazed at how many people who when you tell them they are not in a cabled area still ask why they cant have cabled services.... its amazing!  have the public really stopped thinking...

Let see what tomorrow brings.... less wind more sun would be nice... I know I am hopeful...




don't let what you can not do interfere with what you can do

January 2 2012

I thought I would do a blog to help vent my frustrations, log my days and funny quotes from customers from on the day... I hope it will entertain some people and also keep my sanity while battling for my independence... 

First blog ever...

lets finish with end of 2011.....

So the end of last year was pretty awful... My DLA has been withdrawn leaving me with no car as for 6 Jan, I know it may not be a big deal to most people, but I suffer with Chronic Tendinopathy which is a clinical syndrome characterized by chronic pain and tendon thickening in my right lower leg, It is a degenerative condition not an inflammatory condition. The tissue uniformity becomes disrupted and unorganized, causing tissue restriction and a severe loss of function. This in turn, causes a loss of flexibility, increased rigidity, and stiffness in the tissue. This leads to a loss of strength and function, which ultimately means that I end up with pain and dysfunction of the affected area. Chronic Tendinosis is debilitating.

Along with Chronic Tendinopathy I have Accessory Navicular, this is an extra bone located on the inner side of the foot just above the arch which has develop a painful condition known as accessory navicular syndrome when the bone and/or posterior tibial tendon are aggravated. Walking is extremely painful as this area gets aggravated.

Also the musculotendinous junction has soft tissue oedema posteriorly to the tendon and soft oedema around both malleoli lie extending from just above the the musculotendinous junction down to just below the mid part of the tendon. Excess fluid in the tendon sheaths of my tibials posterior and flexor hallucis longus.


My disability with my right leg has been ongoing since August 2007 when I woke up with a tight swollen painful right leg and attended A&E as I was concerned about deep vein thrombosis, a blood test showed normal and I returned home. Since then I have sort medical advice and treatments for the past 4 years via , various doctors, hospitals, various scans, vascular checks, MRI etc and sports therapist which have not resolved my problem, it has in turn given me the tools to continue to lead my life the best I can as my condition will not get better is will get worse and is now starting to affect hips and other parts of my body.

November 2009 I was awarded high rate DLA as I am unable to walk distances i.e do simple things like weekly shopping, walk to the bus stop, having the car has really made a huge improvement to my life, I have been able to do things get out and about as long as I could park close to a restaurant or friends home.  I have to say I am not looking forward to my little car going back on friday.... I hope the DWP write to say they have reviewed my case and I can keep my car.. but its very unlikely.  I will be depending on other people helping me get to work, I will have to rely on my partner to do more for me, more than she does now... I feel in independence slipping away... I must stay positive I keep telling myself.

My GP has been great and will be sending a letter when it comes to doing the appeal.. and has changed my pain medication so I now have a little plaster which releases pain medication every hour, which I have to sign for at the chemist as its a controlled drug.. it helps but does not take the pain away when I use my leg.. Such as today...

So its back to crutches and I hope my wrists hold out, as I have had incredible pain from them when I use my crutches and they dislocate... but at least today its just the pain I have to deal with, pain in my ankle, lower leg and wrists.. just because I wanted to go out to lunch at the Trafford Centre (TC), and to the home centre - thats the other little building away from the TC - nope we did not walk over the bridge, we went to potters had lunch and back to car to drive over to the home centre to window shop and sit and watch people pass by.. before long I was in incredible pain and we headed back to the car and called it a day... now after a few hours of rest and elevation along with my partner running around getting drinks etc, the pain is slowly subsiding but still not enough to get some sleep (ops its now 3 January!).

I know I could buy myself a car, (which I expect I will end up doing) but being on mobility for 2 years and now losing it before the 3 years, means I lose the £250 money back as the car is like brand new, I also lose my deposit £500, and I have now lost my 9 years no claims discount, so I have to start again and living in Manchester insurance is not cheap! and being on a basic salary of £12,500 running a family home does not leave a lot left if any to buy a reasonable car....  but I know realistically I need one to keep mobile...

I will keep this blog updated as things progress.. or digress...

Ok I am signing off and heading up to bed... I recorded Treasure Island on my TiVo box... thats will keep me entertained until I drop off to sleep...

Nite all - Keep Safe!

Tam